The Left Lane Manifesto

[leftofce]

The Left Lane Manifesto © 2001*

The Left Lane is more than the leftmost lined passage of any road; it is a philosophy on driving; a contagious mentality shared by a relatively small number of drivers (i.e., the good ones). It is the sound belief that individual liberty should be permitted on our roads. We at LOC believe that we can reestablish a left lane – one true to its inherent purpose.

The Dialectic
Since its inception, the left lane has been increasingly corrupted. It has gotten to the point where we don’t even know where to pass anymore. Daily, we witness our brethren opting to pass in a lane to the right, because the left lane is crowded with ass-clowns who have no clue as to the purpose of their mirrors. On our roads, we quarrel amongst ourselves incessantly. We throw fingers, we cut each other off and we intentionally prevent other drivers from driving at their preferred speed. All to no avail – for what purpose, we ask you? Veils have gently fallen onto our faces. We are fighting amongst ourselves.

It has been a lifelong dream to establish a left lane free of impediments – a left lane where every driver could travel as fast as he wanted, unhindered by others. To that end, it is impossible to mitigate the risk permeated by the police. We have no choice but to accept this risk, socalled civil servants are characteristically slow to change, while goading our brethren to drive appropriately regardless of antiquated and quasifascist laws.

The inherent power and beauty of the left lane will be revealed. It has struggled under the iron claw of ignorance and sloth. Its time has come.

Take Back the Roads
Let’s face it, the Secretary of States and Departments of Transportations across this nation are failing us. Driving is increasingly stressful, inconvenient and hazardous. But it’s certainly not due to a lack of financial interest in state departments: in January 2004, the State of Michigan Transportation Commission approved approximately $161 million in statewide transportation projects, mostly to fix up our oft traveled roads. And we’re all for it, keep fixing the roads, at least you’ll keep the workers working, but you ain’t even begun to help us frustrated drivers. To that end, what this country needs is a massive information campaign on proper driving. That’s where LOC comes in - we are going to do the dirty work, just because we can’t bear the pain of driving in these pisspoor circumstances any longer.

The Secretary of State collects nearly $2 billion in revenue each year, which is “...distributed between the Michigan Transportation Fund and the General Fund and used for a variety of other purposes as required by law.” LOC collects souls and whatever you send us in the mail, for that we provide practical driving guidance, entertainment, propaganda, as well as information on traffic, speed-traps and overzealous police. It’s time to take back the roads we paid for – they had their chance, up there, but down here it’s our time (“well this one’s mine, and I’m taking it back, I’m taking them all back” – what?). The time of the left lane has come!

http://www.leftofcentre.org/documents/ManifestoandRulesWeb.pdf

*Note: Originally posted in 2001 on Left of Centre as a pdf and subsequently stolen by talentless assclowns.

[leftofce]

We found a few assheads who have virtually plagiarized our leftlane website - one jackass even stole our stolen Marxist rhetoric. We are assembling a list of sell-outs and copycats on the Left Alone Message Board. Take a look at some of their sites and add others - hey, like they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Thanks, we guess...